Her Everything
by digthatshizz
Summary: Set during Series 2, Episode 8. Lord Grantham has received a telegram informing the family Matthew is injured. William's fate is unknown. Anna is grateful Mr Bates is there to comfort her as she considers, under different circumstances, what the war might have meant for her.


**A/N- Just a little one shot that came to my mind when watching Series 2, Episode 5, written in a little over an hour which might show. Haven't written Banna in their actual day setting for a while so a little rusty. Hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer-** Nothing belongs to me...

Not William. Please God, anyone but him. Missing, possibly injured in the battlefields. He had been like a little brother to Anna since he had arrived at Downton as an enthusiastic hall boy, excited to be out and earning for the first time in his life. Made his way up to footman and a darn fine job he made of it to. He could have been the Butler here at Downton Abbey if that was what he had chosen to do.

But no. An ugly war had broken out throughout Europe and one by one it claimed the services of men just like William. Normal lads, with different dreams and aspirations before this nasty war had made them believe fighting for their King and Country was their destiny. She remembered how proud he had been when he was called up. Anna was proud of him. He looked so smart in his uniform. But so, she supposed, had the tens of thousands, perhaps millions who had been thrust into the midst of war and were now not returning home.

As she walked amongst the servants on the journey back towards their quarters, each as disheartened about the news as she was, Anna chanced a glance upwards. There he was. Her whole world. He was everything. By her side again at last. His face was ashen- perhaps the news from France had caused his memories to reignite. She often wondered about his own experiences of war. Glancing at his cane, she realised he knew first hand how it could impact upon ones life.

Reaching the foot of the stairs that lead to the servants rooms, they both sub consciously held back, allowing their colleagues to ascend the stairs first. It was an unspoken rule between them, especially since Mr Bates had come home. That first night, in the courtyard, he had promised he would never leave her again. Later that same evening, John made another promise, one which Anna prayed he would uphold. If circumstances meant he couldn't be the person to greet her each morning, he would make sure to be the last person to bid her goodnight every evening.

They had already met in the courtyard earlier, not knowing this news would occur at such an hour. Right now, Anna needed that reassurance from her fiancé- because that was what he was- once more and she could sense Mr Bates understood that.

'I'm locking the door in five minutes, Anna,' Mrs Hughes whispered in her Scottish brogue, meeting eyes with Anna before casting her gaze to Mr Bates. Anna nodded in hushed acknowledgement before the two of them were left alone, the silence almost deafening as Anna's thoughts were brought back to that of William.

Daisy must be heartbroken. Anna knew the young kitchen maid wasn't in love with William, but she was the closest person to him, apart from his father of course. Anna closed her eyes as she imagined how it must have felt for young women having to say goodbye to their sweethearts, worst still their husbands, the father of their children never knowing for certain they would see them again.

And then she thought, albeit selfishly, how she was so grateful Mr Bates wasn't in a position to be called up. Because she wasn't sure how she would cope with that notion. It was difficult enough being apart from him when he left to be with _that_ woman, let alone to risk his life.

'Are you alright?' he finally asked, stepping a little closer to her. 'I understand the news is a bit of a shock.'

'He might be alright,' Anna shrugged, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders. 'We only know about Mr Matthew for certain.'

'I'd do anything to change this for you, Anna. I know how fond you are of William.'

Anna smiled a little. When he said things like that, she believed every word. 'Thank you.'

Neither spoke for the next few moments, but it wasn't awkward. The two of them were so completely natural in the other's company meaning silences like this were never uncomfortable. Anna had found her thoughts returning to that of John leaving to go to war, and she felt a chill in her bones.

It wasn't expected, the stinging of tears in her eyes as she imagined him in his uniform, despite how dashing and smart he might look, bidding him farewell at the train station. And she couldn't stop the tear that fell as she saw herself lying in bed in the dark of night, staring at the stars out of the window and wondering if Mr Bates was looking at that same sky from his position on the front line, thinking of her as she was of him.

'Anna,' his voice was like a calm in the storm as it overtook her senses, shaking her from her reverie. 'My darling, you're crying.'

'I'm alright,' Anna tried to shake the sadness from her, but she found once one tear had fallen, she couldn't stop the ones that followed. 'I have no right to be crying. I haven't anyone to be thinking of in France, everyone I love is safe and right here.'

'But you love William,' Mr Bates offered gently. 'We are all worried about him. But lets not get in over our heads. As you say, he could be perfectly fine.'

'That wasn't why I started crying.'

He furrowed his brow in confusion. 'Then why were you?'

Anna suddenly felt very self-conscious at her little outburst, but one look in his eyes and those feelings dissipated. All she saw there was love and understanding, and an overwhelming feeling washed over her, the realisation that she could tell this man anything.

'It's stupid really, and selfish' she began, but his subtle shake of the head encouraged her to continue. Anna held his gaze as she continued. 'But I am so thankful you are not over there. That you are here, with me. I don't think I'd eat or sleep with the worry of wondering if you were safe and well.'

'Oh Anna.'

She couldn't stop the gasp that left her as he wrapped his left arm around her waist, bringing her body inexplicably closer to his. Her arms rested around his shoulders and Anna had never felt so safe in all her life, being held like this. It felt nice, right even to be this close to him. Propriety be damned, Anna needed to be in Mr Bates's arms right now. To know he was real, he was there and he was hers.

'Even without my injury I am far too old to fight now,' he whispered in her ear, trying to bring some rationality to her illogical thoughts. 'The differences in age between us has some advantages.' She had to laugh at that. His being a few years older had never been an issue, they had never really spoken of it but the man in her embrace made a valid point. 'If one of us was born in a different time, preferably me, I'd love to be a young man again….'

'I wouldn't change one thing about you, Mr Bates,' Anna had to assure him of that, interrupting him to do so. And God knew she meant it.

'Alright, well just for the purpose of what I am trying to say, if I were a younger man, being packed off to war know this,' he pressed a feather light caress with his lips to her neck, and Anna felt like all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. She hung on his every word, completely breathless. 'If I knew you were waiting for me at home, I'd fight with everything I had to ensure I returned safely to you, your embrace, your beautiful eyes,' his voice trailed off before he added the words that sent her heart soaring, 'our bed.'

She couldn't help it then, it was as if Anna wasn't in control of her body as she crashed her lips against his, trying to let him know in this sweetest of actions what his words had meant to her. They were hypothetical, she knew that but in their situation Anna was willing to cling on to any kind of hope for the future. _Their_ bed. What a wonderful, perfect idea that was.

Before her mind could catch up with her heart, Anna realised Mr Bates was resting his forehead against hers. 'We need to go up.'

'I know.'

Neither moved. Anna kept her eyes closed, committing this moment to the inner recesses of her memory to re visit in the cold nights alone in her room. But as his whispers of reassurance floated away, William and the uncertainty of it all came back to haunt her thoughts.

'I hope he's alright.'

Mr Bates agreed. 'So do I.'

Moving away reluctantly, Anna glanced up the stairs. 'Mrs Hughes will scold us both if we're not careful.'

'Yes.'

He relinquished his hold on her, and Anna shuddered at the emptiness that washed through her. But at least Mr Bates was here. He was safe.

'Goodnight Anna,' he was saying in the next moment, grasping her hand in his. 'I love you.'

She squeezed his hand. 'I love you, too. Goodnight, Mr Bates.'

Releasing his hand, one finger at a time, Anna placed her foot on the first step before looking back over her shoulder at him. Her everything. And knowing he was here, and that William, Matthew and thousands of other men were not, she suddenly felt like the luckiest woman in the world.


End file.
